A Dragon's Personality

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*I'm a little obsessed with dragons, so...*

A Dragon's Personality

Strength and heart,
Wise and smart,
Intelligent and knowing;
Claws and scales,
Tooth and nail,
A Dragon it is to be.

Wings and tails,
Dangerous nails,
Teeth as hard as rocks;
Serpent, lizard,
Wingful blizzard,
Dragons for you and me.


*Like I said, this has no real meaning whatsoever. It's just a bunch of rhyming nonsense about dragons - but I like it. :smt109 Hehe.*

~Claery

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Gee thanks June - after reading the second review, I thought I was going to cry. You seem to be the only one who likes it. I put it up because, not only did I recognize that it was kind of like a nursery rhyme, and thus, to be "professional", should probably be revised quite a bit, but also because I thought it was kind of cute because of the nursery rhyme part of it, and thus, I wanted to share it, to show it to the world! I hope that answers your question, Firestarter - and do you think you could be a bit... I don't know, nicer? The way wrote that review was kinda mean, no offense.

~Rika~ (yes, that's my name - Rika Valentine. Weird, huh?)

User avatar
Snoink
Review
Snoink wrote a review · Fri May 01, 2009 7:37 am

Haha, meaning or not, you wrote it anyway. ^^

The last line of every stanza is kind of cliched and lame. It would be awesome if you could use these descriptions in the context of a story so we could get the feeling that these descriptions show us what a dragon is and then you can lead us on by what this dragon does. Because, y'know, a quarter of description comes from describing... the rest comes from the character's actions. ;)

Good luck! :D

User avatar
Firestarter
Review

Hi black night werecat,

This is a line-by-line description (and a limited one at that) rather than a poem. It is plagued by confusion (strength and heart should probably be strength of heart). The rhyme scheme makes it irritating. Coming into this already knowing what a dragon is, you have failed to tell me anything new about a dragon's personality. In fact, you mostly describe what dragons look like rather than comment on their personality. Last time I checked, nails, teeth, tails and wings were part of a creature's physical make-up, rather than parts of their psyche.

If you are going to revise this, try avoiding bad rhyme, strange structure and actually failing to describe what you said you would.

Like I said, this has no real meaning whatsoever. It's just a bunch of rhyming nonsense about dragons - but I like it.


Oh. Right. So why did you put this up for critique again?

Thanks for the time I lost.

User avatar
Juniper
Review

Hey Werecat! June here!

I saw you around the forums reviewing, so, I decided to review this for you. :D

Strength and heart,

Wise and smart,

Intelligent and knowing;

Claws and scales,

Tooth and nail,

A Dragon it is to be.


This is a brilliant start. I love how short each line is, presenting two similar things simplistically, while and having a delicate rhyme here. You say this poem has no point, but I think it's wonderful. It may be an obvious poem that you don't have to dig to find the meaning and such, but it's great. :D Wonderful job with this!


Wings and tails,

Dangerous nails,

Teeth as hard as rocks;

Serpent, lizard,

Wingful blizzard,

Dragons for you and me.



I love this, werecat! First you spoke about the good parts of dragons, the sort of things that they are often attributed to as a good omen, and here you bring us to the bad side of dragons, ferocious and such. Wonderful closing, dear.

However! I'm not so sure that "wingful" is a proper word? :P It words, because the meaning -- although made up-- is definitely easy to see. Perhaps winged can replace that? :D


Wonderful poem. A nice, easy read, very nice!

Keep it up, and welcome to YWS!


;) June



“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables